Self-Injury

Our students live in a very high-pressure setting. They are encouraged to pursue excellence in academics, sports, music, the arts, etc. They are constantly on the run and constantly busy. This can lead to a great deal of stress in their lives.

One increasingly common form of stress-release is Non-Suicidal Self-Injury (NSSI). NSSI includes cutting, burning, rubbing, erasing, implantations, self-tattooing, and other activities that cause physical pain to oneself. It is most common among teenage girls, but not exclusive to them. Boys tend to seek out high-risk activities like extreme fighting or street racing.

Non-suicidal Self-Injury is just that: non-suicidal. Self-injurers do not want to kill themselves. They view self-injury as a way of relieving stress, of taking control of something in a world that seems to be completely out of their control. While this may seem to be a very silly way of relieving stress, we all have our favorite means of relaxing; for me, the best way to relax during a stressful time is to kick back on my couch, turn on a ball game, and eat Cheez-Its and drink Cherry Coke all day. Some might find that to be a silly way of relieving stress. We have to understand that self-injury is merely a coping mechanism for many students.

While it is a coping mechanism, it is a dangerous coping mechanism. Self-injury can be addictive. Every time one cuts or rubs or burns, they are releasing endorphins, aka "nature's heroin." This gives a high sense of pleasure that can be just as addictive as drug use.

Self-injury, while not suicidal by intent, can become suicidal by accident. A person could slip and cut deeper than they wanted to or hit a vein and lose more blood than they intended. They could lose control of the fire with which they are burning themselves and cause serious injuries to themselves. Self-injury can quickly become more serious and more dangerous than intended.

All self-injury is essentially a cry for help. Some people are quite obvious about this and will injure themselves in an easily visible place on their body and make no effort to cover it up. This is a very obvious and desperate cry for attention. Most self-injurers will go to great lengths to cover up their injuries. They will injure themselves on their upper thigh or midriff, places that are usually covered up by clothing, or they will injure themselves on their wrists and wear long sleeves (even in warm weather) or cover up their wounds with bracelets. Most self-injurers are in a place where self-injury is seen as their best option for coping with the stress and anxieties they face in their lives. They have seemingly exhausted all other possibilities for coping.

For parents, this could be a great cause for alarm. This could fill you with a tremendous amount of guilt to see your child injuring herself. It could be quite painful to know that your child is hurting themselves because they feel they have no other options for support or care.

Parents could also react by rushing to quick judgment and becoming angry with their child for cutting herself and punishing the behavior. This reaction ignores the fact that self-injury is a symptom of a larger problem. Again, self-injury is a symptom of a much more important and much more difficult problem.

If you, as a parent, discover your child self-injuring, do not rush to judgment. Do not react in a negative way. Listen to and empathize with your child without giving the appearance of anger, disappointment, or frustration. You may feel all of those things, but deal with those privately. This is a moment when your child needs you and needs unconditional love and support from you.

Affirm your child for being honest with you and affirm your love for them. Listen to them talk about why they injure and the stress that they feel at school or at home. Empathize with them and validate their feelings. Before you begin the process of helping your child overcome this and eventually stop self-injuring, make sure that they know you love them, you care about them, and that you understand them.

At this point you will have a few options, which will be discussed in a later blog post. But until then, make sure you are checking in on your children to see how they are doing and how stressed or anxious they might be. Do not assume that your child is self-injuring, but don't assume that they are immune to it. Keep your eyes out for the warning signs and high levels of stress in your child's life.

Remember that I am here as a resource for you and can point you to other resources as well. The goal of this post is to help you know about this trend, understand what it is, and what your first response should be should this become an issue in your household. Your job as a parent of teens is difficult, and you are always in my prayers.

Steve