Arranged Marraiges

1. SOMETHING FOR YOUR HEART

Dating, Courtship, and Arranged Marriages

During my sophomore year of college, I traveled to India and stayed there for about eight weeks. My translator was a young man named Daniel, and he and I became good friends during my brief stay. One night I asked Daniel if he had a special someone in his life. He said no, and then he added that he was going to get married in six months. Puzzled, I asked him how that could be.

"My parents are making the arrangements," he replied.

I stared at him in disbelief. Daniel was going to have an arranged marriage. "You're telling me that in six months you're going to marry a woman you've never met before?"

"Yes, the first time I see her will most likely be at our wedding," he explained. "No way!" I said. "How can you do that?"

His response was amazing. "You in the West talk about 'falling' in love, as though it were a downward experience," Daniel said. "Marriage for you is an end. For me, it will be the beginning. I trust my parents. They know who will make a good wife for me. We will rise in our love together."

His words sounded unbelievable, but they made sense. Would you trust your mom and dad to choose your life partner? Perhaps not. But in a sense, we all need help and direction from our heavenly Father to help us find the right person.

Before I went off to college, I attended a "computer dance." If you're not familiar with the concept, here's how it works. Before the dance, participants fill out surveys. The results are fed into a computer that pairs each person with his or her "best match." When you arrive at the event, you're given a numbered nametag, and you're to find the person with the same number and dance at least once with him or her. After I received my number, I searched the room and eventually found the person the computer had chosen for me--the school librarian. Great.

While I didn't appreciate the results of my computer dance experience, I liked how easy it was to find the one who'd been chosen for me. What if God gave all of us numbers at birth and then all we had to do to find his best match for us was simply find the person with the matching number? Wouldn't that be easy?

While God hasn't revealed "exact matches" for us, he's given us principles to use in our search. The principles for girls are a little different from the ones for guys, so I'll detail them separately.

First let's acknowledge that God is in control of our relationships. That's especially important to understand when relationships begin and when they end. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Do you trust God to help you find the right person at the right time? If you do, you can relax in the knowledge that he cares for you and knows your needs.

Some people mistakenly believe that if they trust God to help them find their mates, then he's going to disappoint them by providing someone with a "good personality"...but not much else. But God wants us to be thrilled and fully devoted to the ones we marry. His desires for us are much greater and more complete than our own. That's why he can--and should--be trusted.

Sadly, I didn't have confidence in God when I was dating. I was either so desperate to hang on to relationships or so flippant in pursuing them that I embarrassed myself more times than I care to admit. Whether you date, court, or have an arranged marriage, you can trust God's ways because he cares for you.

Some of you may be thinking, Whoa, Mark! I'm just going on a date, and you're talking about marriage? Slow down, dude.

While I think it's important to do things with friends of the opposite sex, when it really comes down to it, most people are looking for longer-term relationships. I think we should always take dating very seriously. We need to think purposefully about any people we date with intentions of being "more than friends."


From Youth Specialties