Okay, make sure your seatbelt is fastened tight because we're going to teach you three big words in this little chapter. (You can use them to impress your parents and teachers.)
People who study teenagers (like, college professors who specialize in understanding teenagers) talk about the teenage years as being a period of time between childhood and adulthood. And they say there are three "tasks" of the teenage years--not tasks like taking out the trash or finishing your homework, but three things teenagers must try to figure out related to who they are before they become adults.
The first one is Identity. Your identity is who you are or who you think you are. We know that's kind of hard to think about. It's especially difficult to think about when you're a young teenager because your brain is barely able to handle thoughts like that. In a few more years, this will be a bit easier for you. Just know that your identity is how you think about yourself. It's the sum total of all the conclusions you make about yourself, who you are, and why you exist.
The second task is called Autonomy. That's a big word that just means "being unique" or "being different." As a teenager your task is to figure out how you're different from other people. It's about discovering if you and your choices really matter. It's wrestling with the question: Why should I be responsible?
And the final task is Affinity. (These aren't in any order, by the way--you'll work on all of them at the same time for lots of years.) Affinity is a fancy word for things that are alike. So this task is about figuring out where you belong, where you fit. Little kids fit into their family. Adults fit into a certain community or group of people. Where do you fit? Where do you belong?
We're not suggesting you sit down with a pad of paper and write answers to these questions. It doesn't work that way. You have to live with the questions for a number of years. You have to try things on (almost like trying on clothes before you buy them). You have to make some bad decisions and learn from them. You have to experience success and failure.
OTHERS' EXPECTATIONS
One of the major differences of being a teenager (from what things were like when you were a little kid) is what people expect from you. You've probably already noticed this.
When you were a little kid, people had pretty simple expectations, like:
- Listen when you're being spoken to.
- Eat your vegetables.
- Be respectful to your parents and other adults.
- Don't lie.
- Cover your mouth and nose when you sneeze.
And other things that don't take too much work to figure out.
But now that you're a teenager, this really begins to change. Adults will start (they've probably already started) treating you like a "junior adult." This can be frustrating at times because you won't always like being treated like a "junior." But it can also be pretty cool because it's fun to realize you're on the road to adulthood:
- Adults will expect you to have conversations with them.
- Adults will expect you to follow through on whatever you say you'll do.
- Adults will expect you to do your part to help.
- Adults will expect you to make decisions and deal with the consequences.
- Adults will expect that you don't want to be treated like a little kid (and they'll be frustrated if you act like a little kid).
Do you see what a major change this is? It's HUGE! Really, it all boils down to two things: responsibility and freedom. You want them both. Adults (parents, teachers, relatives) will start to give them to you, although probably not as quickly, or as much, as you'd like.We encourage you to enjoy this shift. Show the adults in your life that you can be trusted with responsibility and freedom, and they'll eventually give you more.
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Taken from "My Changes" by Mark Oestreicher and Scott Rubin, copyright 2008 Youth Specialties/Zondervan. Used by permission. Order the book here:
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